Song to Match: "Passing Afternoon" by Iron & Wine
I am needed today.
I am needed so much that my thoughts disappeared. There wasn’t any room for them. I focused on what each of my dependents needed from me and nothing more. They needed a lot.
I am needed in a variety of ways.
The baby is teething and always hungry. I think she is also constipated. She needs me physically and emotionally.
The toddler is convinced she is more independent than she truly is. She needs me to do as she says, not the other way around. She also needs me to feed her and help her use the bathroom.
The cat has puncture wounds from the teeth of another animal at the base of her tail. She needs comfort, antibiotics and pain medicine. I am her caretaker more so than usual. It exhausts me.
The house is a flurry of remnants from past days. It needs to be pruned and cleaned and reminded that it is still cared about. I hope it knows that we need it as much as it needs us.
I am needed all at once.
The diaper needs changing. The litter box needs scooping. The toddler bottom needs wiping before I help her off of the toilet. All at once.
The cat bowl needs food. The baby needs to nurse. The toddler doesn’t like what I’ve served her for lunch. All at once.
The phone is dying. The iPad is dead. The laptop is charging. All at once.
The floors need vacuuming. The counters need sanitzing. The fridge is unspeakable. All at once (and most of the time).
The laundry needs folding. The closet needs organizing. The dresser drawers keep getting stuck. All at once (and most of the time).
My stomach is growling. My upper back is aching so much that it burns. I’m wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday because I slept in them the night before and decided upon waking that I wasn’t going to waste time changing them today. I stand by that decision.
All of this, and yet.
The baby was laughing. The toddler was snuggled into my stomach saying, “I love you, mama.” The cat was able to fall asleep on her designated towel in her quiet sanctuary (the upstairs bathroom).
The dinner was cooked (and eaten).
The bedtime routine resulted in sleeping children.
A beautiful song that makes me cry began to play on my favorite Pandora station. I let the tears fall with no need to hide them, for I was alone and had a quiet moment of reflection.
I wrote a complete piece for the first time in months.
I feel capable of doing all that I’ve been called to do (and I am able to hear quite clearly that little voice located toward the bottom of my right ear that’s saying, “You don’t FEEL capable. You ARE capable.”).
I welcome tomorrow.
I am able. I am loved. I am supported.
I am needed. But I need them, and all of this, just the same.